Making safe school connections

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To your child, home is likely a safe place where they feel protected and secure. They may not feel the same way at school. But, school nurses and counselors can help.

School can be overwhelming, but your child doesn’t have to navigate it alone.

It's important for children to have a 'safe' person they can go to if they are struggling, either physically or emotionally. According to the child psychology team at Cook Children's, it helps if children can establish a connection or relationship with their safe person in advance so there's already some level of familiarity when school starts.

Barriers to seeking help

For some children, getting to know a school nurse or counselor and asking for help when needed may not be easy.

Children may hesitate to seek help because they worry about being judged, getting in trouble or standing out from their peers.. Others may simply not know what school counselors or nurses do.

Comfort moves

Here's how you can encourage your child to go to a school nurse or counselor when they need to.

Talk them up. You can encourage connections by speaking positively about school staff and helping your child understand their roles.. Remind your child that nurses and counselors are helpers.

Make the introductions. Before or early in the school year, take your child to meet key school staff members. Getting to know these personnel at an event like an open house can help your child become more comfortable around them.

Look for teaching moments. If your child tells you about a challenging situation that happened at school, you can remind them that it might have been a good opportunity to ask the counselor for help. As a result, they may be more likely to turn to the counselor next time.

Your turn

Another great way to help your child connect with school personnel is to show you’re comfortable interacting with them.

Cook Children's psychiatry team notes that a great first step is simply introducing yourself, whether at a school event or through an email or quick phone call. Building that connection early on helps create trust and makes it easier to partner if your child ever needs support.

Find more behavioral health resources from our experts and others.

Pathway to healing

A safety net at school can help children succeed in their education. You can help reinforce that success at home with the Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI) model. Experts at Texas Christian University developed TBRI to help children heal after experiencing trauma.

TBRI comes from years of research and best practices related to brain science and attachment theory. Cook Children's Inpatient Psychiatry Unit recognized the benefits of TBRI several years ago as a great fit for children whom have experienced adversity. They also incorporated its principles into patient care and parent education classes.

TBRI uses three key principles:

Empowering: addresses a child's physical needs, such as nutrition and sleep. For example, you could ensure your child knows the day's school schedule so they'll understand when snacks will be available.

Connecting: helps the child build healthy, dependable relationships. An example might be developing a special greeting, such as a fist bump, with each family member.

Correcting: enables the child to move past fear-based behaviors. For example, if your child gets agitated, you could sit with them in a calm space for a "time-in."

It's important to note that you can tailor TBRI principles to your family and home environment. If enough empowering and connecting take place, not much correcting should be needed.

School personnel can offer quick support during the school day, provide a calm space when a child feels overwhelmed and connect students with small groups for shared experiences. They can also help keep parents informed and guide families to additional support if needed, creating a strong team around every child.

Get the trust based key principles

Start with the empowering principles, then the connecting principles and then the correcting principles

Looking for mental health resources to help kids and teens? Find them here: